The Alternative A-Z of Las Vegas
Wednesday, 10 July 2013
Here’s our alternative guide to Sin City…
A is for…
Atomic Testing Museum
These days the Las Vegas skyline is dominated by the Stratosphere, the Eiffel Tower at Paris and the laser beam streaming from the top of the Luxor that apparently can be seen from the moon (by whom, we wonder), but back in the fifties it was dominated by terrifying mushroom clouds rising from the Nevada Atomic Testing site just 65 miles outside the city. The Atomic Testing Museum is a spooky homage to those days, complete with fearful photos and footage of thermonuclear explosions.
www.nationalatomictestingmuseum.org
B is for…
Big Elvis
He’s dangerously large, he’s dressed like Elvis and – guess what – he does passable renditions of Elvis songs. Yes, forget Celine Dion and Elton’s piano, if you see one show in Vegas this year, make sure it’s “Big Elvis”, who plays free one-hour sets at the rather down-at-heel Bill’s Gambling Hall at 3pm, 5pm and 6.30 pm, Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. What more could you possibly ask for?
www.bigelvis.biz
C is for…
Cocktails
You can’t visit Las Vegas without getting smashed on exotic cocktails because in this city you can find some of the greatest cocktail bars in the world. However, the strangest place we ever consumed a cocktail was at Dinner in the Sky, while strapped into chairs on a rectangular table just before being hoisted up 180 feet up in the air by a giant crane. Top that!
dinnerintheskylv.com
D is for…
Double-down Saloon
Sometimes you just have to get away from the casino bars on the Strip, and at such times we head to the punky Double-down Saloon. Billed as the “anti-Vegas” and a “clubhouse for the lunatic fringe”, here psychedelic murals festoon the walls as live punk bands trash about on stage. It also claims to be the home of the fabled “ass-juice” and the birthplace of the bacon martini. This is about as refreshingly anarchic as Vegas gets.
www.doubledownsaloon.com
E is for…
Erotic Heritage Museum
Las Vegans, apparently, are proud of their “erotic heritage”, so much so that they’ve devoted a museum to it. The Erotic Heritage Museum purports to be dedicated to “sexuality education through the arts” – or porn, as we like to call it. Still, if you like porn – and we understand a lot of you do – then this is the museum for you. Prepare to snigger uncomfortably as you examine “deflowering devices” from ancient cultures while jostling with a coach load of tourists from Idaho.
www.eroticheritagemuseumlasvegas.com
Fleurburger 5000Nothing screams of the excesses of Las Vegas more stridently than the Fleurburger 5,000, available at the Fleur de Lys restaurant at the Mandalay Bay. Chef Herbert Keller’s Rossini burger of Kobe beef, foie gras, black truffles and truffle sauce on a brioche truffle bun, topped off with a bottle of 1990 Chateau Petrus, will set you back $5,000. We’ll stick with the In-N-Out Burger, thank you very much.
www.mandalaybay.com
G is for…
Gambler’s Book ShopThe Gambler’s Book Shop has been an obscure Las Vegas cultural landmark since it was opened by the appropriately named John Luckman and his wife Edna in 1964, and the couple still run it to this day. It’s a magnet for gamblers and a treasure trove of gambling knowledge, with over 3,000 books and videos exploring every strategy for every game of chance you can imagine. It must have suffered since the advent of internet shopping, so go there and buy stuff!
gamblersbookclub.com
H is for…
Harbour RainstormFew things could be sillier than being rained on inside a shopping centre in the middle of the desert, but that’s exactly what happens at the Miracle Mile Mall at Planet Hollywood. At the appointed hour, the fake, painted-on sky above your head darkens and a torrent of rain falls from “weather cells” in the ceiling into a mini-harbour. You can savour this bizarre experience on the hour, Mondays to Thursdays, and on the half-hour on weekends. An odd, panic-inducing experience, especially if you’re jetlagged.
www.miraclemileshopslv.com
I is for…
Indoor skydivingThe Flyaway Indoor Skydiving Center is a perennial favourite of ours. Rather than going through the trauma of jumping out of an aeroplane, which is frankly quite dangerous, why not simply skydive indoors? Until you’ve floated on a 130 mph airstream in a cylindrical cushioned room, you will never really have our full respect. Just don’t go here right after the Bellagio buffet.
www.vegasindoorskydiving.com
J is for…
JazzVegas isn’t really known for its smooth jazz vibes – not since the demise of the Rat Pack, at least – but if you feel the urge to get off the Strip with its brash nightclubs and banging dance music to seek out some gentler moods, we recommend the E-String Nightclub and Poker Bar, a proper dimly-lit jazz dive in a reassuringly obscure part of town.
www.estringlive.com
K is for…
King Tut’s TombThis detailed facsimile of Tutankhamen’s tomb in the Valley of the Kings was painstakingly recreated by leading Egyptologists, and King Tut’s treasure is placed just as Howard Carter first discovered it in 1922. It used to be on show in the Luxor but now it’s hidden away at the Las Vegas Museum of Natural History, which we can’t imagine is top of anybody’s Vegas itinerary this year. Go visit, though. It’s cool.
www.lvnhm.org
L is for…
Las Vegas Motor SpeedwayYou can catch some NASCAR at the Las Vegas Speedway, or even hire a racing car and hurtle around said track yourselves at ridic speed. If you want to do the Speedway in true VIP fashion, however, book a luxury on-track box that includes a bar, refrigerator, coffee maker, private restrooms, furnished tables and a mysterious thing called a “drink rail”, which sounds awesome even though we have no idea what it is.
www.lvms.com
M is for…
Machine GunsHowever you feel personally about the proliferation of guns in America, the particularly Vegas experience of blowing the shit out of stuff with the full force of an AK-47 is one that you’re unlikely to forget. There are many gun-ranges in town offering this peculiar service, but the recently-opened Battlefield Vegas pushes it to the extreme. Here, you get to twat about to your heart’s content, driving a Humvee through the desert with a choice of 350 different types of machine gun with which to harmlessly unleash hell.
www.battlefieldvegas.com
N is for…
Neon MuseumThis is Vegas’ cultural heritage writ in neon. The Neon Museum is a cool-as-fuck graveyard of commercial art that spans six acres; an eerie and beautiful tribute to vintage Vegas. It includes restored pieces from now defunct legendary casinos, such as the Stardust and the Desert Inn. One-hour tours operate every 30 minutes during daylight hours, seven days a week.
www.neonmuseum.org
O is for…
Onyx TheatreThe area just off Fremont Street in downtown Las Vegas used to be a no-go for tourists, but in recent years the drug dealers and pawn shops have been replaced by cool bars and trendy boutiques. The Commercial Centre was once a dilapidated shopping centre littered with sex shops, but now it’s a thriving centre for gay and lesbian culture. It’s also the home of the Onyx Theatre which offers the best fringe theatre and alternative comedy Vegas has to offer.
onyxtheatre.com
P is for…
Pinball Hall of FameYou have to really love pinball machines to do this one. And we mean really love pinball machines. If you don’t love pinball machines then maybe don’t come here, it probably isn’t for you. With 10,000 square feet of wall-to-wall pinball machines, spanning the history of – um – pinball machines, it is unsurprising that this is the biggest collection of pinball machines in the world.
www.pinballmuseum.org
Q is for…
Quiz ShowWhenever we’re in Vegas we like to take part in The Price is Right. This is just like the TV show except without the cameras, and a $49.95 ticket will get you a spot in the audience with the chance to “Come on down!” and, thrillingly, play for the Showcase Showdown. Maybe it will change your life. Or maybe it will leave you, as one online reviewer complained on a website for tourists, “puzzled and disappointed”. Oh dear.
www.ballyslasvegas.com
R is for…
Roller coastersThe Stratosphere Casino is not the most fashionable of places to stay in Vegas but it is the highest building in town. As such, it has some pretty scary rides. Big Shot, at 1,081ft, is the highest in the world and features a rapid ascent from 921ft to 1,081ft at 45mph. Insanity is the second highest ride in the world – it dangles riders over the edge of the tower and then spins in a circular pattern at approximately 40mph. It also has the third highest ride in the world – we could go on…
www.stratospherehotel.com
S is for…
SkymaniaVegas is a strange place, and if it’s your first time here, playing the World Series for the duration, we’ve got news for you – you’re going to go bat-shit-mental. Thank God, then, for Skymania, where the walls and floors are padded and fitted with trampolines. Go there and jump about like a maniac. It might just save your life.
www.skymaniafuncenters.com
T is for…
Tee-offThis town has more golf courses than you can waggle a nine-iron at, and the Shadow Creek course is by far the best. It was the most expensive golf course ever built when it opened in 1990 and is available only to the guests of MGM hotels at $500 a pop, the rest of the time it’s reserved for celebrities and high rollers. But since this is the alternative guide to Vegas, we should be extolling the virtues of the soft metal, Kiss-themed crazy golf experience on Paradise Rd instead, so let’s do that.
www.monsterminigolf.com/kiss/
U is for…
Underwater stuffWhat could be more exciting, thrill-seekers, than a three-storey waterslide through a shark tank? Exactly! And that’s what you’ll find at the Golden Nugget in downtown Las Vegas. You’re obviously protected from the sharks by the tubular waterslide, but maybe one could get in, couldn’t it? Like, a small one…?
www.goldennugget.com
V is for…
Valley of FireFifty miles south of Las Vegas, the middle of the desert, lies the Valley of Fire an area of almost 42,000 acres comprised of bizarre Red sandstone formations created by ancient shifting sand dunes. When reflecting the sun’s rays they appear to be on fire, hence the name. How cool is that?
parks.nv.gov/parks/valley-of-fire-state-park
W is for…
WeddingsWith an average of 115,000 weddings a year, matrimony is big business in Vegas. The classic place for super-fast nuptials is the Little White Wedding Chapel, where Frank Sinatra tied the knot with Mia Farrow. The daftest is the Viva Las Vegas Chapel, where you can get hitched by an Elvis impersonator.
www.alittlewhitechapel.com
X is for…
X-ratedOK, unless you wanted us to deliver a report from the non-existent Las Vegas Xylophone Museum, there was really nowhere else we could go with this other than strip clubs. Our rigorous journalistic research has led us to conclude that Spearmint Rhino is the best, with one caveat: they have a shift-change at 5am, which is when the girls who didn’t quite make the grade for the primetime slot turn up. We cannot emphasise enough how valuable this advice is.
www.spearmintrhinolv.com
Y is for…
Youth HostelThe Las Vegas Hostel is a super-budget way to do Vegas. Costing as little as $20 per night for a shared dorm at the height of the holiday season, the hostel is based in Fremont St in downtown Vegas and boasts a swimming pool, free internet and eat-as-much-as-you-like pancakes every morning.
lasvegashostel.net
Z is for…
Zia RecordsWith a huge selection of contemporary and collectable vintage vinyl, Zia records will keep anoraks browsing for hours. It’s also an exchange, so while it sells new stuff, people bring in all kinds of things to trade and sell, and you can find some real gems. Happily, there are two Zia stores in town, one east and one west.
www.ziarecords.com