Corbett Confidential
Monday, 1 April 2013
Gossip from our mystery man at the heart of Irish Poker … Well, actually, it’s just Ciaran Corbett with his eyes blocked out, but hey…
Which long-suffering Irish poker player was dumped buy his overbearing wife after being accused of catching a STD while “playing away from home”? Now, normally the breakdown of a marriage is not something that should be celebrated or publicised in the most-read column in Bluff Europe Magazine, but as you probably already suspect there are some pretty funny/tragic circumstances surrounding the couple’s demise.
First, I’ll give a bit of background. About 10 years ago they were both playing in tournament in a rural event close to our country’s capital (Dublin, in case you live in a cave). They got drunk, got drunker, got it on and ended up going “all in” in the back of his car. The last part was logistically incredible, given the fact that they were both 20 stone-plus.
However, as is often the case when the drink is in, the wits were out. They forgot to “wrap up” and the girl fell pregnant. Because they were both from a small town and our hero was/is (he’s not dead yet) a gentleman, he did the honourable thing and, in the immortal words of Beyoncé, “put a ring on it”. Flash forward ten years later and he’s now married to the Wicked Witch of the West. I won’t go into detail, but there are tales of her getting up to all sorts of shenanigans at various poker festivals around the country (while he sits at home and minds the child), using his hard-earned money.
The only outlet that our hero had was his twice-weekly poker game in the local club. He was a steady enough player and regularly beat the game, so always had a few quid spare which he would lavish on his daughter who was his pride and joy. Unfortunately for him, however, the club went under (an unfortunate regular occurrence in rural Ireland) and he lost a bit of side income and the chance to have some pocket money.
Being an enterprising type of guy, he got two shifts a week working in his local Nandos to make up for the shortfall. The money he earned was kept secret from ’er indoors as he knew she would claim a right to it. So he was squirreling away his money for an extra special treat for the apple of his eye and this carried on for a number of weeks and months until he had a nice little wedge sitting in the Credit Union.
Now, this is not common knowledge, but the since the couple’s days of hanging out in the back of old cars their love life had been a bit flat, to say the least. This suited our hero as he had realised that it had become a marriage of convenience a long time ago. However, one Wednesday night after he finished his shift he was accosted by an amorous beast, full of the lust that only two and a half bottles of cheap Prosecco can bring, and the couple ended up having a bit of slap and tickle on the couch for the first time in months. The next morning he awoke to a screaming sound as his angry wife rushed to the bathroom, calling him all the names under the sun in between roars about the pain coming from her “Lady Garden”.
When she emerged from the bathroom, she angrily told him to get out of the house forever and cursed him for having caught something from another woman. Our hero saw the gap and exited the family home forever. He now happily lives in a house with his daughter and still works full-time in Nandos. He has told friends that he figured out what had happen to her that night; he puts it down to not washing his hands after preparing the next day’s chillies.